This creates a ‘club mentality’, which is understandable, but it’s not great when you’re in Polly’s position as a newbie and you just want to be accepted. And it’s necessary anyway because if gay people want to meet people to kiss or to date, it’s better to go where there’s a concentration of options. This is necessary even in societies where the level of acceptance for gay people is high. Bars are where gay people go to hang out with other gay people. Everyone knew her and said hello and did kisses and I felt so out of my depth.” This is just what happens when a person joins a group for the first time-it’s something everyone has to deal with on the first day at school or the first day in a new job.īut I think there’s something specific about how gay bars sometimes react to a new regular. She let her friend take the lead, but that made Polly feel nervous. “It was like visiting a foreign country,” she says of her first time.
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I thought I’d share a few with you, offer some thoughts why hostility persists, and ask you to tell me your thoughts.įirst, there’s the story of Polly, who went to Dempsey’s in Sheffield, an old industrial city in the north of England. As well as the many positive stories about finding freedom, good beats and love, I’ve heard many negative tales too. I’m collecting stories of experiences in gay bars for an article I’m writing for The Economist. And that’s usually down to the other punters. Punters tolerate all sorts of eccentricities when they step into a gay bar, because they know that these spaces should still feel like home.īut sometimes gay bars are hostile. Or strange angel statues attached to the wall, as in the Arty Farty gay bar in Tokyo. It’s easy to cope with sticky floors and smelly toilets.
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Most are welcoming, but tales of disapproving stares and worse are all too common